


Dear Friends, I'm Sorry

by SepticMacktheCat



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Cliffhangers, Crying, Depressed Morality | Patton Sanders, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I might write a part two, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Letters, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Patton writes letters, Self-Doubt, Swearing, The Author Regrets Nothing, The ending is up to audience interpretation, but idk yet, heed the warnings, i've never written anything like this, no happy ending, ominous ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23884483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SepticMacktheCat/pseuds/SepticMacktheCat
Summary: Patton decided that it's finally time to do what he thinks is right and remove himself from his friends' lives. All he does is hurt them, so wasn't that the right thing to do?---Patton writes a series of letters to say goodbye.
Relationships: Morality | Patton Sanders & Everyone, No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 62





	Dear Friends, I'm Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written anything like this. I hope it's alright.  
> So yeah, if you haven't read the tags, this story is angsty and has no fluff and no happy ending. The ending of this can be up to audience interpretation because it's very mysterious and ominous. 
> 
> There are multiple self-harm and suicide references, so be warned. Heed the warnings/tags.   
> Nothing is graphic, but you should still heed the warnings. 
> 
> I was originally going to write this as a vent but I was feeling better before I could write it. I still liked the idea so I wrote it anyway. Before anyone asks, I'm fine, and I'm feeling good :) 
> 
> I just really enjoy writing angst!

_Dear Logan,_  
_I'm sorry for being so childish. I'm sorry that I'm not serious enough for you. I try so fucking hard to impress you, but I know it always fails because I am not the clever, logical, intelligent facet you want us all to be. I'm not perfect. but I sure do try so fucking hard to be. All of the shit I repress is in an attempt to hide negative emotions from you, since I know you dislike them. I want to be smart for you, and I'm so sorry for not being that. I have a soft, sensitive exterior, and you have a tough and impenetrable exterior. We would never get along. I'm stupid for ever trying. Ever since we were young, just trying to help Thomas successfully get through high school, I've been trying to get us closer together so that you accept me, flaws, sensitivity and all. But I know that my attempts are all futile. You get really proud of me when I do something right, but then immediately become disappointed when I fuck up two minutes later. I'm obviously just getting in your way all the time. I know that there's a reason behind why you yell at me when I cry, but I just fail to find that reason and it makes me feel even stupider. I know that we butt heads a lot, but I still genuinely enjoy being around you. All of our soft moments, I will never forget them. It's too bad we won't have any more soft moments... or any moments at all going forward._

 _I love you,_  
_~ Patton_

 _Dear Roman,_  
_I'm sorry for crushing your hopes and dreams. As morality, it's my job to make sure that Thomas always does the right thing, and in that moment, I genuinely believed that skipping the callback was the morally right decision and that it would have absolutely zero consequences. I didn't consider the fact that it would hurt others. I know I was stupid. I still am stupid for doing that. It was moronic of me not to consider you especially. I should've known that skipping the callback would drastically hurt you. I'm selfish. You don't need to tell me that, because I know. How ironic, huh? In an attempt to make Thomas selfless, I was unknowingly being selfish for taking every decision for myself. I ripped your hopes and dreams from your hands. You and Thomas had happiness right there, and I crushed it all. You and Thomas deserved that callback. I'm so sorry for always sending you on guilt trips. I never want you to feel guilty, but I guess I can't change my own foolishness. I just... I don't know what to say. It's obvious that your life would be better without my moral compass constantly getting in the way. When you and Thomas get another callback (because I know you talented beauties will get another one eventually) I promise you won't need to worry about me. In fact, you won't even need to see my face ever again! How great is that?! No Patton to stop you from achieving your dreams of becoming a movie star! Lucky for you and Thomas, and the rest of y'all, that's your new reality! So yeah, again, I'm really really sorry for hurting you._

 _I love you,  
_ _~ Patton  
_ .  
_Dear Virgil,  
_ _Oh boy, where do I even start? I have so much to apologize for. Let me just start off by saying that I am so so so so so sorry for fucking everything up. I fucked up our entire friendship. In my brainless attempts to make you feel loved, I only treated you like a child and made things worse. I keep on trying to salvage our friendship but it's all in vain. I know I'm hurting you. I promise I'm just trying to make you feel loved. I don't know if that bloody blade I found was because of me, but if it was, I'm so sorry. I've been trying really hard to just treat you like a best friend and not like a child. But I really should just keep my mouth shut. I know that you want me to leave you alone but I keep on weaselling my way back into your life. I'm being selfish. I'm just so used to treating you like that from when you were... one of them. When you told me to stop treating you like you're an innocent, harmless angel, I was caught by surprise. I honestly didn't know how to react. I've tried to ask you how you want me to treat you but you keep on pushing me away. The looks you give me and the way you speak to me now... I understand that I deserve it, but it still hurts. I really miss when we were best friends. I really miss our fun moments and laughing sessions. I miss when we used to settle down and watch your favourite movie when you're feeling more agitated and anxious than you normally are. I miss seeing you laugh so hard that you cry and mess up your makeup, though you would complain about it after. The others loved seeing you laugh so hard too. Now, that's all destroyed because of me. I am in no way blaming you for any of the negative stuff that's been happening between us. I know that every time I open my mouth around you, I inevitably fuck up. I still have your Christmas card on display. I hope you still have mine to remember me by. If you don't, I understand. You don't want a reminder of the mean Patton who made you feel like a child and made our friendship crumble to pieces. I am genuinely super sorry for all of the harm I ever caused you. I hope that Logan, Roman and Thomas continue to treat you well, and how you deserve to be treated!_

 _I love you, kiddo,  
_ _~ Patton_

 _Dear Thomas,_  
_This is hard to write. I've already written letters to the other light sides, and this is the last one I will ever write. I am incredibly sorry about everything. All of the terrible decisions I accidentally made you make. I know that being selfless can sometimes harm you. I'm just too dense to realize that. I've already written this in Roman's letter, but I should've agreed to go to the callback. You and Roman deserved to achieve your hopes and dreams. I had no right to get in the way like that. I was so blinded by morality that I forgot that this would make you really happy. Listening to me all of the time is unhealthy, and I know that now. I'm becoming toxic, even though I'm trying to be better. I'm just royally failing. I feel like everyone, including you, would benefit from not having me around. I continue to keep you up at night when you have intrusive thoughts and make you question if you're a bad person, which you're not. Even after Logan's lesson, I still continue to be an ignorant little prick. I know that you still continue to trust me for some reason, but, I think it's best for everyone, especially you, if you never see me again. You and all of the other sides will most likely never see me again. It might hurt at first, but trust me when I say that all of you will get over it pretty damn quickly. So, this is my final sorry, and goodbye. I will miss all of you so much._

 _I love you so much,  
_ _~ Patton ❤️_

Everyone received their letters shortly after Patton had written them. All of their hearts metaphorically shattered into a million tiny, sharp shards. Tears pricked at all of their eyes as they read their letters. They even witnessed Logan cry for the first time. 

They all had their own theories about what had happened to their once-bubbly friend. All they knew for sure was that Patton certainly kept his promise. They couldn't find him anywhere. 

They just hoped that he hadn't... well, committed suicide. 

But the bloody handprints that they had found in Patton's room suggested otherwise. 

But, there was still no concrete evidence. Their last bit of Patton that they had left were those upsetting apology letters. 

Now, they were all left with one perpetually scratching question: 

_What actually happened to Patton?_

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are appreciated <3


End file.
